So I’ve been reading a book called “The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems” and while I have to admit the title is pretty cheesy and yes, does make me think of the show “The Dog Whisperer” on the National Geographic Channel (which by the way, I love to watch, even though we don’t have a dog. But I digress…) it turns out, it’s not a bad book. The Baby Whisperer seems to be something of a middle road between Attachment Parenting (let the kids sleep in your bed and carry them around constantly) and the various Cry it Out methods that are variations on putting your baby in the crib and letting them cry until they learn to fall asleep on their own. Don’t get me wrong, I know and have heard of parents who swear by one of those methods or the other, and I say if it works for you and your child, that’s great, but neither one particularly fits my parenting temperament. I am currently working on implementing some of the Baby Whisperer ideas with Alethea and I am hopeful that we are working towards better sleep habits for Alethea. So far, naps are improving and most of the time (day or night) she is sleeping in her crib, although she still has fairly frequent night wakings. But like I said, we’re working on it.
I really wish I had read this book sooner… like before Alethea was born would have been good. The author talks a lot about overstimulation, which would have saved us a lot of frustration if we had realized sooner how touchy some babies (like ours!) can be. She also emphasizes that you should “start as you mean to go on” since it’s easier on everyone not to try to change the rules in the middle of the game.
So all of this got me thinking, I wonder, what books I should be reading now to prepare for Alethea’s toddlerhood? If we’re going to start as we mean to go on with potty training, discipline and the like, we’d better have some idea of how we want to go on before we start!
This is where all the parents out there get to chime in, what book (or books) have you relied on while raising your toddler? Or perhaps you have some toddler raising advice you didn’t find in a book. What is a practice that you recommend beginning right away in order to “start as you mean to go on”? What bad habits did you avoid (or have to break!) when raising your toddler? Please let me know all your best toddler raising secrets!
Thought you might enjoy this post:
http://navigatingthemothership.blogspot.com/2009/08/parenting-book-wars.html#comments
Laura’s little girl Bella is about Alethea’s age.
Best thing to do in the toddler/preschool years is give them a sibling. The sibling quickly and effectively teaches them that the world doesn’t revolve around them, which is one of the most important things to teach a child.
We try to use “reality discipline”, but it is a much easier concept with a little older kids.
I like “scream free parenting” by Hal Runkel. Because it is about the adults controlling themselves (which is the only thing they can control). It fits with us because we are pretty laid back, want to raise independent children, and do not feel any need to micromanage our children.
Other than that book, I didn’t really read any. Never had time.
One I wish I had read sooner is Growing Kid’s God’s Way. I went through it with a younger mother after my kids were beyond the age where much of it applied. The two things I remember well from it: the distinction made between childishness and defiance and how the consequences should be very different, and that no matter what a child’s temperament, appropriate behavior should still be expected.
I recently skimmed a little from a book by the same author to whom you are referring. It was about parenting toddlers. I agreed with the parts I read. She had a good balance between “you are the parent” and “your child is a person who is to be respected.”
When Drew started getting into everything we found ourselves saying “no” all the time. We were so frustrated when the word no made him laugh and do it more. I did some research and stumbled onto an article on webmd…long story short it said to find other ways of saying no and to give him ways to get out of the mischief that he is in. He still acts up, but not nearly as much as before.
We have also entered the stage of tantrums. We decided to follow what I was told in my child phyc classes in college. Basiclly when kid through tantrums they want attention. So when Drew has a tantrum we walk away and then continue on with what we were doing when he’s done. As a result his typical tantrum lasts for about 5 seconds. The other thing was to not cave. So for example if we say “You need to sit down or you’re all done”. Then if he stands up again or doesn’t sit down we say “all done” and take him off of the chair (sometimes we have to baricade the chair afterwords) it’s hard not to give in, but he doesn’t test us nearly as much as some of his friends do to their parents.
Julie – that post is hysterical. She has many of the same thoughts I do about all of the parenting books. I think I’ll have to check out “scream free parenting”. It sounds good. As far as the sibling goes, we’ll see… I’m having a hard enough time with just one kid!
Grandma Debbie/Mom – Thanks for the book recommendations. I do agree with what you said about a nice balance in Tracy Hogg’s books between respecting your child, but also setting limits and giving clear expectations. I’ll definitely read her Baby Whisperer for Toddlers book, since I’ve found the ones for infants so practical.
Amie – I’ve heard that kids becoming immune to the word “no” very quickly and I’m already trying to take the word out of my vocabulary for the time being so I can save it for the moments that really matter, but it slips out so easily, doesn’t it? Thanks for your good advice.
Elise, see if you can find the book “The First Three Years of Life” by Burton White. Lots of practical advice about ways to encourage your child to explore their environment independently, what to expect generally at various “stages” as Alethea grows, and ways for you to be a relaxed parent who doesn’t have to say “No” all the time.
It’s an old book; I read it when your cousin born.