Okay, so I have a confession to make. Every week I eagerly wait for our local newspaper to arrive in our mailbox. Now, I would like to tell you that it is because I am very civic minded and enjoy reading about the many wonderful things happening in our community and ways I can get involved, but that’s just not true. Honestly, I just love reading the police reports. Peter and I have a good time imagining the people and situations behind the news.
Take for example the report in the paper this past winter about a snowman getting his head knocked off. Peter figures that only some cranky old man would report a snowman getting decapitated. “Those gosh darn kids!” But I don’t think that kind of guy builds a snowman in the first place, so that one mystified us a bit.
Another favorite of mine was the car that was reported stolen. According to the report, the distinguishing feature of the car was a bumper sticker that said “Drive it like you stole it.” I guess they did.
More recently, there was one about a pair of night vision goggles being stolen from a residence. I asked Peter, “What sort of person has night vision goggles laying around their home?” Peter said, “Your brother.” I said, “Oh, yeah, I guess that could happen to anyone, really.”
While we have fun with our current newspaper, we miss the reports of the paper we used to get when we lived further outside the cities last year. Plastic lawn chairs going missing, neighbors dogs in the chicken coop, various animals out on the loose. Oh, and I’ll never forget my all time favorite, the guy who couldn’t get the police to come get rid of the people who were hunting (legally) on the property next to his. So he ran an extension cord down to his property line, hooked up a boom box and played music at them as loud as he could. The police did end up coming to issue a citation, but they gave it to the guy with the boom box, not the hunters.
You just can’t make this stuff up!
To make up for my uncivic reveling in the police reports, I did scan the rest of the latest paper. Turns out applications are being taken for married women interested in becoming the next Mrs. Minnesota. There is no swimsuit competition, but there is a personal interview as well as an aerobic wear competition. Huh?
Like I said, you really can’t make this stuff up!
Ha ha. Yes I would own night vision if I could afford it. It’s on my list of things I’d own if I didn’t tithe.
Julie read this last night and laughed. Then she said, “You don’t own night vision goggles…do you?”
Sadly, no.
Somebody stole them. :)
Well, I guess Peter was right then. I did check the address in the police report though and since it wasn’t yours, I figured they weren’t your night vision goggles that had gone missing.
“Hi, it’s Benny. The snowman kickers got our snowman; you better come right over.”
How could they WRECK a child’s precious snowman?? :)