Okay, so we live in the ‘burbs where nothing terribly interesting happens crime wise (not that I’m complaining). The past several months the community newspaper crime reports have been nothing more exciting than petty theft and DWIs, but a recent paper was much more entertaining. Mixed in with a whole lot of fireworks noise complaints, here were the highlights:
* “A hubcap was reported stolen overnight from a vehicle…. The other hubcaps were reported loose on the vehicle.” Anyone else think the police were skeptical about the “theft”?
* “A 53-foot semi trailer that contained scrap metal valued at about $100,000 was reported stolen from a business.” One word… HOW?
* “Theft of nachos without paying was reported from a business. A man ran out of the store without paying.” At which point an employee called out, ‘Dude, that’s not-cho cheese!’
* Let’s count the people involved in this next one… “A disturbing the peace call was reported. Women (at least two) reported getting into a taxi with a friend (one more, so we’re at 3 plus a driver) when another group of females (at least three) got in and stared a fight.” So by my count that’s at least 7 people… 7 people fighting in a taxi cab, oh and by the way, “Cell phone missing.” I guess when a cab is that crowded, it’s easy to lose track of one’s belongings?
* “Suspicious activity was reported at a business. Report of three males, female in vehicle with North Carolina plates washing windows.” I tell ya, you gotta watch out for those Tar Heel window washers.
* Natural selection at work… “Passerby called police and reported male was skateboarding the wrong way in traffic.”
* Now for my favorite, “Suspicious activity was reported. White car reportedly going from mailbox to mailbox. Occupants of vehicle were located by police a few blocks away delivering newspapers.”
Well, y’all, I’m going outside to shoot off some firecrackers. “Why no, Officer, I have no idea where those sounds were coming from, try the neighbor’s.”